


Not your friend

by HeyJenMin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: First Love, Friends to Enemies, M/M, Soulmates, Unrequited Love, friends - Freeform, university love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyJenMin/pseuds/HeyJenMin
Summary: In which jaemin and jeno broke up, and jaemin writes his memories in hopes of forgetting and letting go.
Relationships: JaeminxJeno, Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Na Jaemin/Lee Jeno, Nomin - Relationship
Kudos: 11





	1. The moment I saw you.

Jeno,

it’s been a while since we last talked...a few years have gone by. This might be a little bit too direct, but, do you ever think about me?

because I surely think about you, every single day. I think about the first time I laid my eyes on you, it was during our entrance exam, I walked in right before the exam started and most seats were taken, I don’t think you noticed me at all back then, but I was starstruck. Such a beautiful human being, were my first thoughts... I wanted to talk to you but I was too nervous, so I walked out and months went by, and I got in.

imagine my surprise when I looked up from my desk on the first day of class and saw you standing in front of me looking out the window, you looked like you wanted to say something so I spoke first and I said a simple Hello, so you remember that? Your eyes smiled and I was in awe on how beautiful you were, we had a small conversation and you ran off, nobody had wanted to sit near me... I felt a bit out of place since everyone near me had switched seats and I had a whole row to myself but then you came back with your backpack in your hand and sat next to me...and that’s how it all started.


	2. A song that we shared

there was a song we shared, you said it reminded you of me every time you listened to it. The reason? There was none, the song just reminded you of me.

just like how it now reminds me of you.

Jeno, every time I sit down and end up thinking about us, the song is always on repeat.

I used to think we knew each other pretty well, but as much as it hurts me to admit, I don’t think we ever really finished knowing each other.

there were many secrets, even during our days as friends.

you kept me a secret for everyone for a while, I wasn’t allowed to speak to you at school and we would meet after school in your car while you drove me around and we talked, just like friends would. But I was a secret friend...or that’s what you told me.

it wasn’t until one day, when we went for ice cream and you ended up spilling it on yourself because the space inside of your car was too small that I confronted you about it, you told me it wasn’t because I was a secret, you just wanted to keep us...special.

after that we started hanging out in school too, and things started to shift, I don’t know how it ended up happening but I always ended up laying down on your thighs while we talked. Do you remember that? I really liked to cuddle.

I don’t know the exact moment I realized I liked you more than a friend was, but it opened up the most confusing chapter of our relationship.


	3. Not your friend

We somehow ended up confessing our feelings outside of my apartment on my birthday, I had been upset because we made plans, we always made plans and you cancelled them and I thought my birthday would be different.

By now we had been friends for two years.  
And we were always glued to each other.

So when I texted you a week prior about organizing a small dinner for us for my birthday and you agreed, I was really happy.

We had stayed in the university parking lot for hours talking to a group of people and before we knew it..it was pretty late, do you remember that? I was sitting down playing with the grass waiting for you to finish your conversation because I had left the food ready for when we finished our classes, but it was pretty dark and you had to head home, and I was upset and told you to go home.

You didn’t budge though and followed me into my apartment, you told me you would cook for me because it was my birthday and I was always the one cooking, so I didn’t mention that I had already prepared something.

You burnt yourself and I couldn’t be mad at you anymore, you hurt yourself.

We had a nice meal, you cooked hamburgers, because you said you had cooked them before and it would all work out.

It was pretty pretty late by now and your mom kept on calling you and you ignored her calls despite me begging you to pick them up, you cleaned up and we went outside.

You gave me the warmest hug that day, right before you kissed me.

You had kissed me, jeno...do you know how long I had waited for this moment? I loved you and you loved me.

Our relationship was far from perfect though, we had too many issues because of my depression. You could never really understand me, but you did try.

We weren’t public so it always made me jealous and sad how you would flirt with girls trying to hide us from the world.

I was your secret again.  
But this time I wasn’t your friend.  
I was your secret lover.

We ended things one night, after a pretty big fight...you told me that some things needed to change and that we should be friends.

Lee jeno, I am not your friend  
I don’t think I ever was just your friend  
Because my feelings were always there.

When I read what you had written to me, I lost it. I blocked you and we started fighting a lot during school.  
We didn’t tell anyone what exactly happened between us.

People murmured that I was the problem, I was always the problem. Our friends chose you, they didn’t know why we weren’t “friends” any more.

But they still chose you.

It’s been years now but I still think about you, I think about our happy moments about your family, by the way...how’s your mom? It was her birthday recently... 

I hope you’re doing well and life is treating you well  
I hope that by writing my memories out in this letter, that I will never dare to send, helps me close this chapter in my life and move on. 

Lee Jeno,   
I am not your friend.

But I still love you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm so sorry about my grammatical errors, in the future I plan on fixing them, I'm just rusty with writing in the english language and need to practice more...


End file.
